If you have a gut feeling something might be going on between your man and another woman, but you’re not quite ready to point a finger, read The Cheat Sheet—a new book by Stephany Alexander, CEO of WomanSavers.com, and lifestyle writer Rea Frey—which provides tools to help suspicious lovers uncover infidelity. Although there may be perfectly reasonable explanations, knowing what to look for can put your mind at ease, or help you decide whether to confront your partner.Clue No. 1Look for changes in your partner’s grooming habits, like if he starts dressing up more or wearing cologne with no valid explanation. He may also suddenly start doing his own laundry or begin showering more frequently than normal.

Clue No. 2A cheating husband often loses sleep from both trying to lead his double life and as a result of his guilty conscience. Keep watch on his sleeping patterns: You may discover that he’s taking naps after work or find that he’s awake more often during the night. Online chat rooms are popular at night, or he may be up texting and speaking to his lover.

Clue No. 3Keep your eyes open for random hair bands or bobby pins lying around. It’s all too easy for another woman to accidentally leave hair accessories after a shower. Know what’s yours and what’s not. Also note if your guy buys you a new perfume unprompted—it could be the one his lover has. By using the same scent, you won’t be suspicious if you smell it on him.

Clue No. 4If your husband is involved with someone else, then his excitement about the relationship will show. He may constantly bring up a new woman’s name in conversation, start to lose interest in taking vacations with you, and stop talking about long-term relationship plans.

Clue No. 5A cheater needs to spend time with his love interest, so he will typically make up excuses to be away from home by working late, increasing his business travel and running unexplained errands. If he’s more willing to do a “quick” grocery store run and comes home forgetting more than one item on the list, then he could be meeting his mistress.

Clue No. 6Some of the most obvious signals are the oldest ones in the book. If he tells you he hired an assistant and is sure to note that she’s not very attractive—and later you discover upon meeting her that she’s absolutely gorgeous—then this is a sign he’s being less than forthcoming.

Clue No. 7Take note if your man becomes increasingly private about his cell phone usage. He may turn his ringer off or take longer than usual to call you back. Try asking to borrow his phone: If he becomes nervous and uncomfortable, then he may be hiding something.

Clue No. 8A straying husband typically is not interested in sex and becomes “too tired” for you. On the other hand, a careful cheater will know that you might suspect infidelity if there’s a change your sexual routine and may try to do what it takes to maintain normalcy. Be aware if he suddenly ups his dose of Viagra or starts taking it without a clear reason.

Clue No. 9A cautious cheater will clear his computer’s history frequently to avoid getting caught. But evidence of his philandering online isn’t hard to find. Go on to popular dating sites (AdultFinder.com, Match.com, Passion.com etc.) and do a search of his name to see if it pops up. (He could be using an alias as well, so do a little poking around.)

Clue No. 10Note changes in his car, like if the radio is set to stations neither of you normally listen to. You can also test to see if someone else has been in your bed: In the morning, put something small—like a rubber band—under a pillow. Later, check to see if it’s missing.


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