Still angry and obsessed with the affairs and all it brings to the table? In order to move on in your life, you must decide to forgive, even though you won’t ever forget.

1.Make a list of questions you want to know about the affair. Be very selective in your questions, as this should be a one to two time conversation. Ask the questions you need answered. You may or may not want to know sexual details, or your main interest may be in the when, where and why questions. Hopefully you have a spouse who is patient and willing to discuss these things with you. You will need a loving, patient spouse to get you through this without a divorce.

2.Pick a quiet, calm time and a peaceful sound proof place in order to have your discussion. You should stick to the questions until they are answered. Don’t jump around issues that may come from a single question.

•Write down the answers, and repeat them back to your mate. Paraphrase the answers to prove you understand what is being said. Remain calm, because you want to know the truth,

•Don’t go crazy during the conversation. Remember the purpose is to forgive and have closure over the situation.

3.Forgive. Forgive them for each specific thing involved in the affair. For example, there is not only sex involved in an affair. There are lies and other manipulations and deceptions as well. It is very helpful to forgive, in your heart, each area of betrayal, specifically. Think about the sex and forgive it. Think about the lies and forgive them. Think about the manipulations and forgive them. Simply forgiving them generally leaves too many openings for thoughts to creep back into your mind on a daily basis. Forgiving specifically should provide the most positive end-result to help save your marriage.

•You must not only generally forgive your spouse, but you must also consciously and specifically forgive your spouse for each area/region/group of marital infraction and personal deception.

•Once you’ve consciously forgiven them for these things, specifically, one by one, you then have a chance to truly forgive and forget. The forgetting is the hard part, but this really helps. Consciously forgive for specific areas/regions/groups of hurtful things, specifically. Look into your heart and realize it will never end until you forgive the sex, the humiliation before others and all the lies. You have to forgive the lies. It’s more important than forgiving the sex.

Tips

•When your mind starts to drift to images or anything that sparks a hot anger, take a deep breath, relax, and let it go.

•Find a hobby to keep you busy. It’s a good idea to do something with your mate in order to rebuild trust. Tell the truth about every little thing, or your mate will revisit your anger over and over again. If you cannot forgive with a clear and complete renewed heart, you are destined to allow the waves of emotion, anger, resentment to come into your life again.

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